by Joy Kitchell

Children’s brains grow rapidly, and researchers have found that children make greater gains when they know what is happening next. This begins in infancy, when a child and their parent learn to communicate to ensure needs are being met: hunger, a wet diaper, soothing support. From this early connection, trust and a sense of security grow. As children grow, knowing what to expect and what their role is in the routine helps them build independence and confidence.

While having routines is important for children of all ages, it is okay for there to be changes, whether expected or unexpected. Perhaps someone is sick. Perhaps the weather forecast is changing your normal activities on a school day. Maybe you have friends or family coming for a visit. If you know the routine will change, share as much information as you can with your child. If you expect they might be overwhelmed or emotional with the change in routine, have a plan to respond with empathy and guidance.

Here are a few times in the day when you may create routines for the whole family.

“Good morning!”

Morning routines may depend on how everyone wakes up. Some children stay sleepy and quiet; some jump out of bed and are ready to move; and others fall somewhere in between. Depending on your household, children will have varying levels of independence. Kids may get up on their own, use the bathroom, play a quiet game, watch their favorite morning show, get dressed, or head in for breakfast. Others, especially the youngest, will need adult attention and support. Creating a consistent, day-to-day morning routine for your child can ensure everyone starts the day with success and no stress. That routine can be guided by you or perhaps a picture chart with the things to do.

“Time to go!”

When getting ready to leave the house, does an adult run through a checklist to make sure everyone has everything they need, coats on, tied shoes, snacks, and homework in a backpack? Consider getting backpacks filled the night before and leaving them by the door. Having the backpacks filled with completed homework, signed permission slips, and snacks takes one task off everyone’s plates in the morning.

“Time for bed!”

This may signal that your family routine is about to begin. It may include brushing teeth, washing up, getting into pajamas, and then quiet time or time to share your favorite parts of the day, or perhaps reading a story together. For younger kids, a picture chart on the bathroom mirror reminds them what they need to do before bedtime.

“Let’s eat!”

Does your family eat all meals together? Maybe breakfast happens as everyone starts their day. If building independence, consider leaving the cereal, bowls, spoons, and glasses on the table or kitchen counter the night before.

Dinner time may be when everyone eats together. There may be expectations that there are no devices at the table. Perhaps everyone is expected to bring their plates to the sink.

Tricks for setting a routine might include:

A chore chart on the fridge.

A calendar with upcoming events written down.

A timer to use as a countdown when transitioning from one activity to the next.

A photo album or slide show on your phone of the people you will be visiting, or photos of where you are going. This is helpful if trips to visit family or friends don’t happen very often.

Routines vary from family to family. One thing is important: consistency. Consistent and predictable routines help with regulation. Your child’s brain learns to anticipate the next steps. Knowing what is coming next and their role in the routine helps create stability. Establishing rituals that fit your family’s needs leads to smoother transitions and less stress for everyone.