As parents and caregivers, we have the power to shape the way our children view the world- including how they understand and relate to people with disabilities. Whether your child has a disability themselves or is asking questions about a classmate or someone in the community, these conversations are important opportunities to teach kindness, acceptance, and respect for all people…
At Prevent Child Abuse Vermont, we know that creating safe, nurturing environments for children means embracing diversity in all its forms- including physical, cognitive, emotional, and developmental differences. When we help children understand and value these differences, we are also helping to prevent bullying, isolation, and the kinds of harmful attitudes that can lead to abuse or exclusion.
Here are some tips for having open, age-appropriate, and empowering conversations with your child about disabilities.
Start Early, Keep It Simple
Children are naturally curious and often ask questions when they notice someone who looks, moves, or communicates differently. These moments are perfect entry points.
Instead of shushing or brushing off the question, try to respond simply and honestly:
“Yes, some people use wheelchairs to help them get around, just like we use our legs.”
“Everyone’s brain works a little differently. Some kids might need extra time to talk, and that’s okay.”
You don’t need to have all the answers, just a willingness to engage and model respect.
Use Respectful Language
Children often mirror the language they hear, so it’s important to use respectful, person-first language yourself:
Say: “A child with autism,” not “an autistic child” (unless a person prefers identity-first language, which some communities do).
Say: “Uses a wheelchair,” not “confined to a wheelchair.”
You can also encourage your child to use inclusive words that focus on the person, not the disability.
Model Empathy, Not Pity
It’s common for children to say things like “Oh, that’s sad!” when they learn about a disability. That’s a good opportunity to gently shift their perspective:
“It’s not sad- that’s just how their body works! They do things differently, but they’re just as capable and smart as anyone else.”
By focusing on strengths, adaptations, and resilience, we help our children see people with disabilities as equals- not as people to be pitied or feared.
Read Books and Watch Media that Reflect Disability Inclusion
One of the most powerful ways to foster understanding is through stories. Seek out books, shows, and movies that feature children and adults with disabilities in positive, empowered roles.
Some great children’s books include:
“We’re All Wonders” by R.J. Palacio
“I Will Dance” by Nancy Bo Flood
“My Friend Isabelle” by Eliza Woloson
“Just Ask!” by Sonia Sotomayor
These stories open the door to conversations and help normalize disability as part of human diversity.
Encourage Friendships and Inclusion
If your child is in school or childcare with a peer who has a disability, talk to them about how to be a kind and inclusive friend:
“It’s great to invite everyone to play.”
“If you’re not sure how someone communicates, it’s okay to ask a teacher or an adult for help.”
Inclusion isn’t just about being near others- it’s about making sure everyone feels valued and involved.
Disability Is Not a Bad Word
Some adults were raised to avoid talking about disability at all, out of discomfort or fear of saying the wrong thing. But silence can send the message that disability is taboo or shameful.
Instead, talk about disability as a normal part of life- something that is real, and okay to talk about! If you’re unsure how to begin, it’s okay to say:
“I don’t know a lot about that, but let’s learn together!”
When Your Own Child Has a Disability
If your child has a disability, they may have questions about why they need different supports or why their experience is different from others. These conversations are deeply personal and ongoing.
Speak to them with honesty, compassion, and confidence in their abilities. Let them know they are loved, capable, and whole just as they are!
Seek out affirming community, including local and national support groups that focus on disability pride and inclusion.
Why This Matters to Preventing Abuse
Children with disabilities are at a higher risk of abuse, neglect, and bullying- often because of isolation, dependency on adults, or lack of access to safe relationships and self-advocacy skills.
By raising children who understand and respect differences, we reduce the stigma that isolates kids and increases risk. We also empower children to speak up, build strong friendships, and help protect one another.
At Prevent Child Abuse Vermont, we also offer specialized programs like “Nurturing & Safe Environments for Children with Disabilities” - a free training for adults who care for or work with children. This training provides tools and strategies to support children with disabilities and create environments where all kids are protected, included, and able to thrive. Click here to learn more.
Remember- every conversation you have helps create a more inclusive and safer world for all children!
Need Support? You’re Not Alone.
At PCAVT, we’re here to support families through every stage of parenting- including how to have these important conversations with your child.
You can connect with us in the way that works best for you:
Confidential online chat: Visit pcavt.org to chat with a trained team member
Give us a call: Our staff is available to answer questions and offer support at 1-800-244-5373, M–F, 8:30am to 4:30pm
Explore resources: The Vermont Parent Home Companion and Resource Directory is full of practical tools, guidance, and local supports for every kind of parenting journey
Let’s raise children who are curious, compassionate, and confident in connecting across differences. The world needs more of that- and it starts with us!